A dit for the 'old salts'

The following is appropriate to C.N.O. 1234/51 ….
It has been brought to the notice of the Naval Board that men have been dying without the consent of their Commanding Officers.  This practice has to cease forthwith…. I have been instructed to bring to the notice of all ranks. C.N.O. 1234/5
1.( Dying). The following will be complied with by all ranks of the Naval force.
2. No man below the rank of P.O. Can give the order to die, and in all cases the men ordered to die will be known as “the victim”. Under no circumstances will a man be allowed to die in his own time.
3. The following drill movements will be adhered to on receipt of the order. The victim will die by numbers”.
4. The man will stagger forward a full pace of 30 inches followed by another 30.5 inches. Allowing his eyes to glaze and glare.
5. On the command he will sink down slowly and smartly to his knees. Count a correct pause of one – two – three, and fall forward on his face arms outstretched, thumbs in line with his cap.
6. On the command he will lower his legs, heels drumming on the ground,toes at an angle of 30 degrees to his shoulder blades. After that the victim will be permitted to draw a breath in his own time. Expelling it only on receipt of the order, “ Forward breath in double time”.
7. The death rattle should not be used except on ceremonial occasions unless otherwise ordered by an Officer above the rank of Commodore 1st class.
8. Before dying. The victim will receive a map clearly clearly marked by the Navigation Officer showing the best route to Heaven.
9. On arrival you will report the regulating angel for application, and the following will be drawn from the clothing cloud.
a. Harps (fibre) Number…..1
b. Wings (Basic flying Pairs……1
c. Clouds (Fleece lined) Pairs……1
10. Whilst in Heaven, it must be clearly understood, that personnel still come under the Naval discipline Act and will conduct themselves in a proper service-like and Angelic manner at all times. Breaches of this Act shall receive an Archangels report with a minimum punishment of 7 days hell.
11. Dress of the day will be loose-fitting No. 1A gown, wings at the glide position and Halos 2 inches above the crown of the head and horizontal to the cloud. On no repeat no account are Halos to be worn flat-a-back.
By order of C.O. Dead Dying Commander.
Thanks to Russell Hockley for the contribution